Good Intentions.

I drive to the ends of the earth, and what do I see? I see myself well again, waving on the other side. I decide to jump this abyss, to the promised land right in front of me. My heart beats, my palms sweat. You know, all the cliché things. I jump. And then I am flying. The wings break forth from my soul. It feels effortless to be this way. The wind stings my eyes. And then I realize the place I wanted to be is a blurry vision below. It’s sinking…deep, deep, deep, and down. Finally, there is black beneath me. I cannot look down anymore, because as I do, I start to fall from the sky. So I look up and soar high above. And somehow, this is much greater than the “better” me on the other side of the abyss. All I needed to do from the beginning was to jump past the fear and fly.

The darkness vs. The light.

The pills make the words flow easily. Whether or not the words are wise, I can’t really say. All I know is, I regret every text I sent. But there is no going back.

Maybe saying what is truly in my mind…maybe opening up and being transparent to people…maybe that will be my New Years resolution.

And just maybe, my demons will go away.

Ironically, that is my goal…instead of these pills that dull the muzzle on my mouth.

Eyelids.

I sit here in the dark.
The shadow is no longer my friend.
All I hear is the sound of inhalation.
And exhalation.
This means my body is alive.
But my mind whirs.
It wonders where I am.
It thinks of where I am to go.
The eyebrows knit together.
The corners of lips turn slowly downward.
Sometimes I wonder.
And other times, I know.
I know I am merely laying here.
I am watching myself barely live.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Repeat.